there’s a hole in my soul


Dear Blog-Diary,

I need to talk

there’s a hole in my soul that is looking for a bandaide

some days it is huge and some days it barely hurts

today it is throbbing

I try to analyse what will appease it but I never seem to have an apparent solution

so i try things

i try talking to my husband-he’s too busy to hear me

i try talking to my friend but they all need to talk about the aches of their own

i do look to God and that helps

but when i re-enter life he disappears

i eat chocolate and peanut butter and it helps as long as I am tasting it

i feel like i am alone with this hole in my soul

i am not connected to the people

i am not connected at all
what holds me here?

on days like today i am just not sure

I ran 2 miles in the dark, it was awesome

i am afraid of the dark, always have been

but it thrills me at the same time

it makes me face the hole in my soul

and it lets me dream of running in secret to a place where all my nerve endings will be on fire …in the dark

and no one will know me, and i can be just me, and finally live


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~ by Barbi Migi on November 19, 2009.

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