Some days life just hurts.

I gotta talk!

bubbling up inside of me…depression!

I feel it coming and I am trying to head it off…

but I have no idea how to stop it.

I think if I talk about it it might go away…

the next step will be to just run away and not face it.

Frank…better, sort of.

Will he ever be 100%?

Will he ever be the strong marine I knew that everyone looked to for security?

I am feeling doubtful and I am really really sorry for that. I am sorry for him. I am worried that it will be painful, that is painful for him. Not physical pain, but the pain of weakness and inability. I don’t want him to hurt.

Me…can I stay healthy?

Dr. suspicions and more tests to go through. Can I survive it again with as little damage as I did the first time? I hope it’s nothing. Hubby is worried. I am scared.

I feel the tears  on the surface. The only way to smile in front of everybody is to shut myself down. I will cry alone in the car, alone in my office, alone in the shower. I will cry for Frank and cry for myself and then cry for all my losses in life that still hurt and will never go away.

And I will blog. I hope my husband gives me the privacy to stop secretly reading my blogs.

And I will run…the gift Frank gave me.

And I will keep writing…it helps.

Some days life just hurts.


~ by Barbi Migi on November 2, 2009.

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