Shoot me now…or is it PMS?


someone needs to fix it and fix it NOW!
I cant eat anymore chocolate, it is no longer helping!
I am sitting in judgement of my own life and all I see is failure!
I woke up this morning to a freaking out husband…the roof was leaking in the kitchen.
He walked by a pile of water but noticed only when he sat down to eat his cereal and it started to drip on his head.
I dont get it!!!!!
Why cant he look after SOME things without his panic attack. I DONT want to be strong!
I want to be cared for by my husband!
That means having the overall and secure feeing that he can and will look after ALL OF LIFES crashes.
I dont want to be that.
I really really want to be female and soft and loving and sheltered from pain! and fear! and failure!
It is so hard to feel female when you have knots in your stomach.
I want someone to show me that it is going to be alright in the end and that I am not failing.
The family pain is my pain.
My pain is the family’s stress.
I fall apart, they all fall apart.
I thought it was a husband’s job to keep it together, and in turn he gets a wife that is soft.
Put the weight of the world on my shoulders and my shoulders become strong and male and I become less female somehow.

my husband went shopping for an hour…I guess that means I dont get to.
Oh well, I guess the non-leather shoes I needed for tomorrow will wait another year.
after all, I woke up to a leaky roof.

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~ by Barbi Migi on September 27, 2009.

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