AHHHH!!!!


I just want to scream! where do I push the pain? It has nowhere to go! I need help, help to squelch the pain. It’s clawing inside of me with no way to get out and nowhere to go. How am I supposed to tolerate it  and go on with life? I need to scream. I am choking with a silent suffocation. I used to have someone who could somehow help make it better. His words brought out the pain. He’s gone now. He left me. I dont know if he will ever be back. I dont know if he can ever find his way back to me.  I believe he would, if he could. But our last words were strained. I think it was because he was getting sick but I am not sure. He was my soul mate. Not my marriage partner,  my friend. I am just hurting and I cant get it to leave me. I wish I could find a new friend that could be the peace in my soul, morality in my heart and the strength in my body.  Somedays I think God sent him and God has decided to take him away. God has taken so much from me, why him too? I know God has given me so much to be thankful for and I am. And I am in pain. This is a circle…I just want to scream!

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~ by Barbi Migi on September 8, 2009.

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