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I hate your face!

People Irritate me

People scare me

I have no patience for people

Some I can tolerate…for short periods of time

Some, very few…keep me interested

until I start to see them as stupid.

Then they irritate me.

Some, I just hate their face…and it is NEVER about  their features…

it’s all about their eyes.

I can see their soul through there eyes!

I can see their pain and their kindness!

But I can also see shallow and selfish…

and they irritate me, and my skin crawls, and I want to be anywhere but listening to them…

and that scares me.

The people with the pain in their eyes…haunt me

I can’t get them out of my head…and I want to take away their pain!

I want them to know I understand

and that what they feel from their pain is real and I feel it too.

I want them to know that I know how it hurts

and somehow I want them to know that we can get through it.

It will never go away…it will always be a part of their soul

and life will go on anyway

and they too can go on with the pain as part of their soul.

And if they can go on…they are the only people that I have patience for.

They are the people in my life…that have value to me.

They are the ones I can spend time with…for awhile…

until one of us needs to move on.

living in a vacuum

living in a vacuum

touching no one

being affected by everyone

and everything

unable to cope

paralyzed

where do I go from here?

how do i take the next step?

i cant think

life is no longer making sense

i dont know how to fix it

i have no where to turn

…but inside

is this all there is?

 

I am thinking that it is an “age” thing. I never read valley of the dolls BUT, I am imagining it is about …is this all there is?

I don’t think it is only me that is feeling this way.

I think it is a secret unspoken passage that most women go through at a certain time in their lives.

Maybe some rock the boat…maybe some even abandon ship.

Maybe some keep sailing as if nothing is wrong …

and maybe some need to paint big colorful dragons on their sails.

I am desperately looking for paint and a huge larger than life surface to spread out and feel free to create!

But in my search, I am sailing without sails

and therefore the waters are taking me aimlessly in circles with no glimpse of land.

Just miles and miles of nothingness…sometimes calm, sometimes peaceful and sometimes almost life threatening.

An anchor is useless and oars are futile.

I know better than anybody that I have NOTHING to cry about. You would say I have no right to cry when I have been so blessed, and you would be right.

I guess we come into this world alone and we leave this world alone. I just never before saw that we also journey through it alone.

Maybe loneliness is not good or bad, just human.